All posts by jayKayEss

New Sounds of Today

OK, well actually the WFMU record fair was last weekend.  And none of these is particularly new.  But the upshot is that I bought a ton of records– here’s some of the best tracks so far.  No photos yet, because I’m too lazy and I need sunlight to do it anyway.

Johnny Denis & Netta Rogers - Studio and Stage

A Vegas lounge act.  I was… surprised by the timbre of Netta Rogers’ voice.  The back of this record contains an apology: “We took out the comedy patter which we feel does not improve after continued playing and we do hope you will play our record more than once… please!”

Dale McKenzie - Musically & Vocally Yours

Another lounge act, this time from Cleveland.  Dale “can adapt to any song of any era with tones of such sweet quality that you beg for more.”  The front of this record is signed  “To Deb, I hope you enjoy my humble efforts.”

Betty Bond Sings Pop

An album of “song-poems.”  Betty is more infamous for her ode to heroin addiction, Till Death Do Us Part (which you can hear here) but I was amused by this schlocky rip-off of Harper Valley PTA.  “Presently single, she has four children and has done secretarial work in addition to professional singing.”

Joe Barone and Lily Ann Carol Play For Their Friends

This album is subtitled “Live From Jupiter’s” and features Joe and Lily’s faces glued to shooting stars, orbiting a big orange planet.  Lilly sort of sounds like Cher crossed with Maya Rudolph doing Whitney Houston.

Come And Dance With The Tolmans to Johnny Brogan’s Orchestra

“For Ballroom Dancers and Musical Gourmets,” this record hails from Springfield, Massachusetts.  Ballroom Dancing records usually put me to sleep, but this whitebread version of One Note Samba drew me in with its hot dual guiro action.  I also wish I could show you Phyllis Tolman’s wig right now, which I absolutely promise to post a photo of at a later date.

This is just the tip of the iceberg, folks!  More to come…

Television’s Soul’s Harbor Singers

When I was a little kid, we’d sometimes go to church with my grandparents on the weekend. Their church was a little tiny place in the middle of the woods where mostly farmers and poor people went. There was a Hammond instead of a pipe organ, the carpets were faded crimson red polyester, and the walls were lined with cheap wood paneling. My grandmother sang tenor (!) in the church choir, and my grandfather would play fiddle or musical saw along with the organ and piano. Anyway, the brash, earnest crooning of the Television’s Soul’s Harbor Singers reminds me of this church.

Google’s got nothing on these folks, but apparently they’re from Charleston, Maine. I love the Country Western arrangments, steel guitar, stiff postures and crazy hairdos. I also love how each little group of singers has its own stage name, like “The Singing Faloon’s.” Also check out Pastor Ronnie, who I’m sure caused impure thoughts in more than a couple parishioners. The track below appears to be sung by his dad.

Get it here (about 59Mb)

Jo Ann Castle - Hawaiian Ragtime

Jo Ann Castle was a staple on the Lawrence Welk show. She developed her lightning-fast keyboard skills at the age of five and was just as proficient on the accordion as the piano. Here’s one of her better albums– old Hawaiian standards played with a ragtime flair! Surf guitar rounds out the mix and gives a few of the tracks a slightly rock ‘n roll flavor– my favorites are “Lovely Hula Hands” and “Little Grass Shack.” You can visit Jo Ann’s official website here, and read about her (somewhat tragic) life story here.

Disclaimer: I found this record in very poor condition and even after agressive cleaning (with Windex, no less) and some digital noise reduction, some of the tracks aren’t as clean as the preview below. The music is so much fun, though, that you might not much care.

Grab it here (about 47Mb)

Scotch Foursome

No, not that kind of foursome. But pour a few Martinis down these swingers’ throats and who knows what might happen? Tony definitely looks like he’s harboring a few dark secrets, and you just know Joe’s got a kinky side. Just remember that what happens at The Highlander Lounge stays at The Highlander Lounge. Featuring the sleaziest version of Light My Fire you’ve ever heard.

Get It Here (about 64Mb.)

Russian Bremen Minstrels

I have it on good authority that the title of this record is “Bremen Minstrels.” Apart from that, I can’t tell you much (shocker: I don’t speak Russian) except that this has to be the grooviest, funkiest kids record known to man. You will find yourself unconsciously humming these tunes tomorrow, perhaps over your morning cofee, while making that big presentation at the office, or indeed during the consummation of your martial vows. It’s that catchy. From Melodiya, the Soviet state-owned record monopoly.

Rappin’ With Gas

Rap with gas over at 365Days.

Rev. Forrest McCullough - Flight F-I-N-A-L

Your attention please. I am thy captain. The flight thou art making today is the same which Abraham, Moses, John, Peter, Paul, and all of those redeemed before have made. Enoch and Elijah joined us in mid-flight, without passing through the Gate of Death. We shall be flying today at altitudes unlimited and at a speed never known to thee before. Flying time to the New Jerusalem is not considered, for thou are now in the realm known as Eternity, where Time is no more. As we left the Earth, the weather was stormy with heavy overcast, but the report from the New Jerusalem is, as it always will be, a beautiful day without a cloud.

For those that wonder what it would be like if God ran His own airline offering direct flights to the Afterlife, this record provides a “dramatic comparison.” Passengers need merely have their ticket stamped with the blood of Christ before making their way down the blood spattered sprinkled concourse to the Gate of Death. Your seatbelt is Psalm 23. No meals will be served on this flight, as you’re about to gorge yourself at the Great Banquet Table upon arrival (also, one assumes, because you are dead.) So pack your bags and let’s jet away from this moral coil! But don’t bother bringing your Earthly burdens, as these have recently been banned by the TSA.

This record was listed at Show&Tell for a long time, but now seems to have disappeared. Recently it sold on eBay for over $20. So, I figure now is a good time to release its full glory to the sharity world.

Excerpt: Your stewardess, the Angel of Mercy

Chevrolet - Contact!

America, 1965! Lots of nice people! Menfolks, and womenfolks! Old folks and young folks, with lots of in-between folks. Tall people and short people, with lots of neither one people. Some are happy, others sad. But, men or women, old or young, tall or short, happy or sad, they all keep you in the People Business– where the money is!

Years ago my friend Schwa gave me a board game-sized box of Chevrolet sales training material, circa 1965. Inside were some pamphlets and posters, and two filmstrips with vinyl record soundtracks. The “WHY?” button above was also included– I don’t know why it says “WHY” but I can only assume that it has something to do with my buying an OK used car.

I don’t have the box or the posters anymore, but here are the soundtracks from the two filmstrips. If you listen carefully, you might even hear the low bass rumble that tells the machine to advance to the next frame. I think the filmstrips are still kicking around somewhere, too– If I ever find them, I’ll have to combine them with the audio, somehow.

Download: chevrolet_1965.zip 20Mb

FEMALE AUDIOPROZAC

That darn soul been bothering you again? Doctor Superhelga prescribes these 29 tracks of auditory goodness, featuring Unpleasant.org favorite Myrna March. For internal use only.

Modern Bride 1970

Here’s an amazing little bit of ephemera I found at a junk store on Canal St. for 25 cents. It’s your very special day, as only Modern Bride can deliver it– third class!

Included in the sleeve was this pamphlet explaining how to do your makeup for the camera (”admit to your imperfections”) and admonishing you to keep your fat Uncle Louie and his cheap Minolta out of the way of the photographer (”only a PROFESSIONAL photographer can capture [your day] from the flurry of just before the wedding to the last whirling handful of confetti.”)

As you can see, Modern Bride delved deep into their portfolio to bring you the widest possible sample of their professional work. Oh, and by the way, they’re the “Pioneer Of Natural Color Wedding Photography,” just in case you get the impression that your photos will come back in shades of gray and harvest gold.

And for the groom, two free tuxedos with every purchase of six or more, for when he gets hammered on piña coladas and pukes all over himself just prior to making a pass at your cousin Iris, that skank.

As for the recording inside… not what I was expecting. I’ll let you judge for yourself.

Listen: