Geri Galian – Classicos en Ritmo

Here’s a fun album that’s sure to irritate Classical musicians and delight bongo fans. Classical standbys by Debussy and others, arranged with a swingin’ Latin beat. Surprisingly sweet and listenable. I tried looking for some info on Galian, but aside from the occasional listing at used record stores (and this photograph,) he seems to be practically unknown. I have a few other LPs from “Discos Corona,” and they’re almost always a good listen.

Listen:

(Danse Macabre) 2.2Mb MP3

Glaucoma… GlauCOMA… GLAUCOMA!

I just learned that the Association of International Glaucoma Societies has a theme song, namely the rousing “Glaucoma Hymn.” Picture yourself slowly losing your sight, amidst a luxurious wash of horns and angelic choruses:

Glaucoma, Glaucoma, Glaucoma
Constricting vision slowly
Halted by progress of science
Vision of a world united
Beyond all science knowing

But remember that Glaucoma is no laughing matter, kids! Listen to the “Glaucoma Hymn” here.

World Vision’s Enchanting Korean Orphan Choir

World Vision Inc., is an organization that gets Americans to ease into their Middle Class White Guilt by sponsoring orphans in other countries. In the early 60′s, they auditioned a bunch of “pensive songbirds” (Korean orphans) to sing their Seouls out (har har). Apparently they had the right idea, as this is the orphans’ 5th album. They also got to be on the Steve Allen Show, Bozo the Clown Show, and perform for “little Caroline Kennedy, daughter of martyred United States President John F. Kennedy.”

Why the boys have to wear little bowties and suits where the girls get to wear traditional-looking bathrobe things is beyond me. Maybe that was part of their fund drive– donate today, and little Soon-Yi can finally get dressed!

Though most of their repretoire is Christian and in English, such as “He Lives” and “We Plow the Fields And Scatter,” they also cover the

which seems to be on every single album recorded in the 1950s and 60s. No wonder it’s my grandfather’s favorite tune to play on the piano for hours at a time.

Everything You Always Wanted to Hear On The Moog*

(*But Were Afraid To Ask)

I always wanted to hear Ravel’s “Bolero” on the Moog. I’ve just been too afraid to ever ask anyone to play it. Luckily, my silent prayers were answered! This album features that piece, along with the “Habañera” and the “Introduction to Act I” (aka “Toreodor, don’t spit on the floor/use a cuspidor/that’s what it’s for”) from Carmen, Chabrier’s “España” and Lecuona’s “Malagueña” all performed by The Mighty Moog, “semi-conducted” by the frightfully witty Andrew Kazdin and Thomas Z. Shepard.

What could be more exciting than an album of Spanish music? (The consistency of our Spanish program, you will note, is marred only by the fact that Lecuona was not a French composer).

Hahaha! So witty! These droll gentlemen subject us to 14 minutes and 33 seconds of the Moog’s (“is there anybody still left who doesn’t know that “Moog” rhymes with “rogue?”) rendition of Ravel’s Bolero. For those of you not acquainted with Ravel’s oeuvre, “Bolero” had exactly one theme, which is repeated over and over on this album like an electronic mantra, leaving no brain cell undead. It’s Andrew Kazdin and Thomas Z. Shepard’s own “In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida,” taking up one whole side of the record.

Thanks to this record inherited from my dad’s eclectic collection, I will no longer be afraid to ask for anything on the Moog. Except for Ravel, which I still fear greatly.

Sound Effects Vol. 2 (doctored for Super Stereo)

This record came from my dad’s collection which I inherited after his turntable died in the late 90′s. Copyright 1957, this disc boasts the “new stroboscopic audio fidelity label. (a way to tell if your turntable is revolving at the correct speed)” In case you’re wondering, it also has a 13.75 DB at 10 KC Rolloff and a 65 + DB Signal to noise Ratio.

We take particular pride in the fact that the signal-to-noise ratio herein exceeds 65 decibels, and in transference from original master tape to this recording the loss is less than 1 decibel, and that, as a matter of fact, the surface of this pressing is lower than the natural tape hiss of the original master tape.

What does this all mean? It means that tracks such as #13. Shoveling Scrap Metal are scientifically formulated to be the most painfully irritating one minute and 2 seconds of your auditory life.

I listened to this album a lot when I was little, revelling in the awesomeness that was the “Super Stereo” effects– for example, on “Man on Concrete Stairs,” as he man descends, his echoing footsteps start in one speaker, and then travel around one speaker at a time, making it sound as if you’re hanging in mid air at the center of the staircase. Far out, man! (those were my dad’s exact words when he described it to me)
I make a lot of shitty electronic music on my computer, and I don’t think one piece I’ve done doesn’t contain a sample from this. being too cheap to actually buy a drum machine, “Shoveling Scrap Metal” makes a great high-hat sound if you speed it up and play it backwards. “Chinese New Year” has a pretty infectious groove as well. “Dribbling Basketball” slowed down is a great bass drum. Well, great to me anyway.

A NOTE ABOUT RECORD CARE

Much has been said of worn styli; however, the worst possible thing that one can do to a phonograph record (and, incidentally, the crime of which each of is is most often guilty) is to (a) put a “mint condition” record on a dusty turntable, and/or (b) leave it on that turntable to gather dust after having played it.

Enid Levine – American Love

From the land of piano key miniskirts, heart-shaped sunglasses, sequined tops, legwarmers and midnight druids, comes ENID, a/k/a Enid Levine. Having had a taste of the big time with a minor 80′s hit (Enid wrote the song “Hi-Fidelity” from the soundtrack of the TV show “Fame”) this is apparently Enid’s stab at even greater glory with a studio record. The results are… revealing.

Consider the following lyrics:

I remember when you were parkin’ cars / Now you think you’re hot stuff playin’ lead guitar (“American Love”)

or these:

Drownin’ in self pity like a circus clown / Whimperin’ and whinin’ / Wake up; the sun in shinin’ / And I can’t like a man who likes to be kicked around (“Kicked Around”)

or even these:

You traded me in for a new model / And trashed the love we had / And you know it makes me sad (“New Model”)

I think we can safely assume that Enid was recently dumped, and dumped for… oh, I don’t know, a model, maybe? But this is also an album of hope, for as Enid herself sings:

You gotta be your own hero / You gotta have something worth fighting for / Go out and find you gotta find your own dream now (“Be Your Own Hero”)

And failing that; there’s always cheap sex:

Night Caller, you sound so fine / Tell me what to do to make you mine / Smokey conversation, gotta let it go / Cause I’m lyin’ here alone / Waitin’ by the phone (“Night Caller”)

Please me, tease me, tie me down / I wanna feel everything / You play the officer–bring me in / Callin’ room service / Send me up some love (“Passion on the Run”)

Musically, here’s an album that covers just about every 80′s music cliché: get ready for overdriven guitars, soaring synths, a healthy dose of Fender Rhodes, and the occasional calypso beat (and/or whipshot.) And if that doesn’t do it for you, there’s always Enid’s hottt (with three T’s) piano key mini-skirt. I have no idea what the druids are all about, though.

If anyone knows anything further about Enid, I’d sure love to hear it.

Listen:

(3.6Mb, MP3)

I -heart- NY… AND I SING ABOUT IT! by Robin Schade

I was born in Syracuse NY, and lived in the hickest hicklands and most wasted post-industrial wastelands Central NY has to offer. I remember being forced to sing ditties such as “The Erie Canal” and one that mentions “trip[ping] the light fantastic on the sidewalks of New York.” This inspired my 3rd-grade mind to wonder what the hell was tripping the light fantastic? What the hell kind of name is “Mamie O’Rourke?” And “Who names a mule Sal?”

Anyway, though I’ve sung about New York, I most certainly didn’t love it.

Conversely, sometimes when I jouney home from Boston into the hills and valleys of home, I see the lakes and fields and trailers with dogs tied to rusty trans Ams in the front yard, and think “I love NY.” After all, you can’t get a decent Cortland apple or a strawberry not grown in California here in Boston.

However, for all my singing about New York and loving New York, I was never inspired to love NY AND sing about it at the same time. Fortunately for me, Mr. Robin Schade (aka the New York Troubadour) does just that.

This album boasts that it has “Songs of NY State–the legends, lore, geography, history… people, places events.” OK, if this album is such a celebration of the great Empire State, then why the fuck are they leaving the guitar playing up to Ron “Wichita” Casler? The last time I checked, Wichita was not in NY (though Mexico, Greece, Egypt, Amsterdam, Poland, Philadelphia and Valhalla are).

Anyway, this album is a rollicking good time, celebrating the land of my birth with sagas such as “Ride on Loomis Gang,” (“the exploits of this notorious band of outlaws of the last century seems to be limited to Central NY State”) and hideously catchy songs like “Utica Oh Utica.” Aside from producing shitty beer and Annette Funicello, Utica has no point to existing on this planet. Even Kurt Vonnegut doesn’t have anything positive to say about the place. However, Robin Schade (“schade” means “bad” or “harm” in German, as in “that’s too bad”–coincidence?) asserts that Utica is actually “I Love NY’s heart.”

Don’t forget the insideously hook-filled title song (“I Love New York… And I Sing About It!”). If you are not singing along by the second chorus, you are probably either deaf, or are an evil NY-hating terrorist.

Dictation Disc #2-70

She looks so happy on the cover, smiling as she listens to her slick little portable record player. Look at her cute little headband and the excellent position in which she holds the pen! Who wouldn’t want her to be his or her secretary?

Little do they know that she is really a brainless automaton created for the sole purpose of writing shorthand. This record actually kills your soul, one word at a time. As the narrator with the slight southern accent intones “Dear… Sirs… since… the… shipment… of… your… Smith… register… we… are… interested… in… knowing… the… progress… you… are… making… with… the… installation…” each bit of humanity is sucked out of you as you concentrate on why exactly you have this job in the first place.

As a pure listening record, this is the most boring recording ever put to vinyl. As an instuction record, this would make me jump out a window rather than ever go back to my office. Use with caution.

(.MP3 file)

I Am Waiting For You

Apart from the title, there’s no English on the label or sleeve, anywhere. I couldn’t even tell what year this thing was made. Extensive Googling reveals that this is the soundtrack to a Hong Kong movie, about an elderly man who becomes obsessed with a young woman who looks like his dead daughter, which would explain the creepy stalker imagery. The songs are kind of catchy-poppy, in a disjointed, atonal kind of way (the organ almost sounds as if it were dubbed in after everything else.) In lifelike Stereomono!

Listen:

, .

Victor Lundberg – An Open Letter

Available for the first time! It’s like having your aged right-wing grandfather harrangue you– in stereo! Angry Conservative rants concerning smelly hippies and draft-dodgers, read by professional voice-over talent, layered over a bizzare mix of easy listening music. Bubbling with hate and mellow tunes, the total effect is surreal, dated and topical, all at once. Just begging to be put into somebody’s video project or mashup album.

Listen:

(Battle Hymn of the Republic)

Listen:

(Moonlight Sonata)

Want to see the back cover?